Thursday, December 15, 2005

being...a wreck

Lone Wolf said...
Nishijima Thanks for sharing this information on the different philosopher and others who taught similar ideas to realism. I have found the differet interpretations of Buddhism to be quite complicated and confusing. So far I enjoy and sesne truth in the teachings you and Brad Warner speak. I have a question about Zazen.I hear in sitting one is not suppose to push thoughts away or follow thoughts. Just to sit straight in the lotus posture and and be aware. My question is what is the difference in thinking and just being aware of thinking with about being caught in it when practicing Zazen?

Pierre Turlur said...
Lone Wolf,With a single O. Sorry if I offended your animal pride. Your question is answered by Dogen in the first version of Fukanzazengi: "When something arises in the mind, just wake up. Wake up and it will vanish".Identifying with thoughts is the common delusion process( mine, everybody's), what you call "being caught" . Dogen's invitation is to step out, another way to understand the meaning of: "backward step of turning light around and refecting it". (popular version of Fukan-zazengi)Waking up to thoughts coming and going ( my usual mental garbage), waking up to tensions and physical hindrances ( how do I get in the way of Zazen itself)is, in my limited view, presumably wrong for most of you, the answer to your question ( for I am not a punk Zen master or an old and venerable japanese roshi). Realism is acceptance of things as they are. Seing through reality, one ceases, at least for a moment, to try, grasp, manipulate, organize, distort the ineffable. In this moment of my life as I write these lines, I am going through the most difficult patch so far, great stimulus of pain and illusion. And believe me, I am nobody to tell you what to do for sometimes I am but a single flow of tears. If I say so, it is just to make clear that this is the best opportunity to practice what Dogen says and notice how much I am not letting it happen. My friend and teacher was reminding me yesterday the direct and uncompromising meaning of Jujuyo Zanmai, acccepting and using the Self. How could I express it differently? The point is not to become better at living and sitting, it is to accept that we don't understand anything. It is to see with the beloved eyes, through the eyeballs of Bodhidharma. When Bodhidharma sees, there is no Bodhidharma. Bodhidharma is not wawre of himself. Not knowing is not a super natural sate or special enlightenment. It is a child-like state, our natural birth right, not tainted by any trying, theory, agenda. When I am a wreck, it is very close. When I am a wreck, there is no more pretending, posing or whatever. I am a wreck. The most exquisite and powerful poems of Rumi and Hafiz in the Sufi tradition say this over and over again. True love is found in dust, tears and longing. In dust, tears and longing with nothing elsa added, to dilute it or transform it.Wake up and it will vanish. What will vanish then? Thoughts? No, they come back, it is the natural stuff of the mind. Delusion? No, it is very sticky too. What might vanish is the illusion that we have to do something, become somebody, get out of here. And when this vanishes, we invite surrender.Who are you?I don't know.


Blogger oxeye said...

Pierre, thank you for sharing your thoughts. Here are some of mine for whatever they are worth. there is something sublime in sadness. when you are a wreck you sense you are close to being in the moment. and yet you know you are not. I suspect maybe you try too hard, expect too much. but only you know what you were like when you started on your path. so only you know how far you have come. zazen is not an end in itself. it is a tool for your life. when you are sad, be aware of it and let it go. very soon you will be happy again. the real trick i think, is letting that go too.

6:59 AM  
Blogger oxeye said...

and Pierre.. I don't have to tell you to take my words with a grain of salt. I really don't have a clue. but as a visual artist for some thirty years i have made most of my small progress by being able to act directly and to function without thoughts or words and then only later to stop and think about what is I am doing and why.

10:47 AM  
Blogger Pierre Turlur said...

dear Oxeye,

Thank you for your patience, and your careful reading. I agree. Being sad or being happy is not the point. Being real, true and, because it is so, be a bit more humble.

Oxeye, name without thoughts in the eye.

I like that.

Thank you for your teaching.


3:14 PM  

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